MY BIRTHDAY

Ok folks, what makes you think phrases like “Wow, you’re thirty!?” and “Well, it’s all downhill from here” actually are appropriate to say on someone’s thirtieth birthday? I mean, the only polite return phrase for those two comments is: “Yeah” as opposed to “F___ Off” or “Thanks, I hope your pecker falls off” (Thanks for that one Carmen).

So I admit, I kicked and screamed all the way to my thirtieth. I really did not want anyone to acknowledge it was my birthday much less how old I was. But alas, who needs enemies with friends like mine…

Last week my girlfriends emailed me “Be ready at noon on Saturday, we’re picking you up.” ...This is the point where I go "Oh Crap..."

Saturday rolls around, my girls load me up in the Jeep. We drive all over freaking Little Rock, the whole time my friends throwing out comments like:

- “I hope you don’t have to go to the bathroom, cause there are no toilets”
- “Is your house clean?”

I’m not kidding you, they messed with me for two hours! (They did feed me Cold Stone Creamery Ice Cream and take me to Victoria’s Secret - fatten me up and then take me lingerie shopping. Good friends, good times.) Long story short we end up at the Ice Skating Rink where my daughter and several friends are waiting to go ice-skating with me. At this point, I had determined my friends were really out to kill me. But ice skating was fun and the ‘how-to’ eventually came back to me. We had some laughs, said ‘toe pick’ a hundred times, and Helen got blisters.

This is a picture of me and my daughter ice skating. She assumed she'd be like Barbie and immediantly skate like an Olympic Gold Medalist. She got pretty frustrated and started whinning "Mom, I can't do it!" Of course, she did pretty well for a three year old!



Now fast forward to Saturday night. About a month ago I managed to guilt my DH into telling me about my party. I pulled out the water works and everything. My friends swear I really am going to hell. Anyways, surprise party is busted. But I arrive at the local pub, to at least twenty of my dearest friends, balloons, a cake, the whole nine yards. It was fabulous! However, they did make me wear a party hat and some ’30 bling’. (See picture).



Best surprise was one of my best writing buddies, Shayla Kersten, made the hour and a half drive to come to the party! My mom tracked down a friend of a friend who knew Cynthia D’Alba (another best writing buddy), who contacted Shayla. She gifted me with an autographed copy of “Masters of Desire”. I practically squealed in delight (not really, but I did drool on the cover).

My mom and friends had gathered old photos of me and made three huge posters (documenting my entire awkward stages) AND I received three wonderful home-made photo albums. One of my posters...



Best night EVER!But that’s not all folks! Today I walk into my 'evil-day job' office to a life size MUMMY! (See picture). My co-workers have a great sense of humor. Tomorrow they are taking me out to lunch – the fun just won’t stop.

But like they say, “If it’s all downhill from here, it should be smooth sailing!"